did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
