i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
