Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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