Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
