Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
