I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
