i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
