Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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