i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
