i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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