Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
