u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
