hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
