Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
