can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
