I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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