we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
