her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
