I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
