my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
