I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
