At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
