One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
