she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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