I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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