Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize