Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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