Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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