shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
