I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
