You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
