Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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