and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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