my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
