Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize