He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Barsexuality is the new black.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize