you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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