i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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