Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
