You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
