Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
