my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
