You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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