Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize