She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
this is an emotional support booty call
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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