You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
