I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
