I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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