Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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