just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
