i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
