He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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