I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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