My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
