In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
where are my eyebrows?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
