Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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