The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
