help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
