I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
