Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize