worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
