You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
