the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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