he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
