You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
