dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
