Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
