she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
