i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
