dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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