your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
