Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
