First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize