He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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